As I look back at my life, all, almost 30 years of it, all I think of is how stuborn I have been.
I have always been that person who NEVER wants to give up! I would hold on, “be strong,” hold on and hold on tighter to whatever I wanted. I was never the one to just try something else, I often, would say, “I tried everything!”
For 8 years I did try everything!
It’s so frustrating!
Trying everything is so overrated!
It’s so 2010 my oldest would say! Haha
As it is the end of the year, I have been thinking a lot about who I was this time last year. I was so scared, insecure, lost, regretful and pretty much pitiful. Of course, no one could really see that, or at least, I didn’t think they could. I was strong and wouldn’t ever give up! Everything from going to the market, to getting gas was a huge drama!!
But on the outside I was calm and quiet.
I didn’t want anyone to think, and I didn’t want to think that I would give up!
Give up? No, no, no, no!
After a few health scares and being held at gun point while my purse was stolen right outside of the bank where I had just withdrawn the last of my money to by groceries and gas, I gave finally in.
I gave in. I let it go, all my control, and in the car that day I asked god to please save me from all this stress! I guess you could say, I got in the back seat and decided that I was going to let a force greater than me drive.
I came across this blog by one of my favorite authors 2012: closing cycles in which he gives great advice about moving on, that actually, I did to move past a very financially, emotionally and mentally abusive relationship.
Since that day when my purse was stolen, I have been dedicated to that cheesy saying, “let go, let God.”
Giving in and giving up, they are two very different things.
There is a plan for each of us, it’s undeniable that we each have a purpose that may be beyond our wildest dreams. Like me, at church 2, 3, 5 days a week, or like me having a blog where I write about it!!!! It’s difficult to know your purpose when you never want to let go. When we are so focused on, fighting, fighting, holding on, never giving up, or letting our control go, we can’t walk the path that is meant to be. We dismiss Faith in the unseen, and life become a circle of never ending dramatic events.
We are made to be happy and loved.
We are here to be happy!!
When you give into that fact, and have Faith that your on the happy path intended for you and that you don’t know where goes, and that’s okay. Your whole life changes. Your no longer on the broken path of broken dreams, dissatisfied relationships, and never ending self distruction.
Doors open when give in to that fear of losing control. When we don’t want to let go or give up, that’s a sure sign we need to give in and trust.
Get in the back seat, its so much nicer to live life that way. It’s a process of begining to rebuild trust and calling on the universe to provide all you want and desire. God answers ALL our prayers, even in the unanswered ones!
I always remember that EVERYTHING happened for a reason, and many of those reasons were because I wanted to do things my way, how I thought things would work out best if I did this or did that, tried harder… And on and on!
That is a lot of I’s and there I was thinking I wasn’t selfish?
I was so wrong!
I changed not only own life but my children’s by letting all of that control and fear and giving in!
I let in love, trust and happiness in 2010, an I will never be that insecure, sad, defeated and lonely girl again!
To look back and remember thinking that I would always live like that, and there was nothing I could do about it is such an amazing feeling!! I wish that feeling for everyone!! I feel like all my drama, and suffering was worth it!!