The Hardest Things in Life

post on January 27th, 2013
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It’s not always the big decisions that are really hard, in fact, sometimes those things come easy!

Sometimes, there are little things that we choose to let go and pass by that become BIG things. It could happen over week, months, or years, soon you look back and realize, “oh! this is why I’m being treated like this now!”
I think its natural to let little things go, when in the big picture your happy. And most of all, your happy within yourself.

The BIGGEST lesson we can Learn from little things is this… Little things can become BIG, most things in life start small and grow.

The Law of Attraction will NEVER fail you! It’s like Gods word, it is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow!  The question is, are you attracting what you want, or not?

The devil is in the details, and you have got to stick to your guns and not always dismiss the little things that you know are not right!

Oprah says it very well, “listen to the whispers that life gives you, don’t wait until it has to come crashing down on you!”


Who would we be without the other fish in the sea?


Who would we be without the other fish in the sea?

post on January 22nd, 2013
Posted in Inner strength Tags: , , , ,

Who would I be without the other people in my life?
The people that have come in and out (some over and over again) and the wonderful people who have stuck with me through thick and thin. Even the everyday people that I come across, and people who I hope to NEVER see or come in contact with again!

I never underestimate what I can do for strangers that come into my life, or what a stranger may one day do for me. It was a stranger who helped me become a homeowner as a single mother, new to this city!

Jesus had great friends and family that believed in him completely, and some that devastatingly betrayed him. He healed strangers who believed in him with all of their hearts, although they didn’t know him at all!!!

The hardest lesson I have learned in my 20′s (yes, I am soon turning 30) was to pay very close attention to who is in my life! This goes along with following your intuition, it’s that you can read about it in one of my first blogs by you can read about it by

We have people come in and out of our life everyday, we are given the choice on keeping them in our lives, or letting them go. I know I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without ever single person that I have encountered. From the sweet older lady at the Family Dollar who encouraged me to keep up the couponing and said she was proud of me for saving money for my family, to the person who I allowed to break my heart, who I gave up all that I had for, hoping they would change and became so fearful of, I questioned my Faith and almost gave up fighting for my child!

My Aunts who mentor and inspire me, other excellent mom’s who I met through a playgroup when my oldest was only 5 months old, and I was only 19. My best friends and their families who have accepted my boy’s and I as their own! My own parents, grandparents, even great-grand parents. Friends who are family, family who choose not to be even friends with or speak to, church members, kids I take care of, patient’s that I know for only a 12 hour shift, but never forget, ALL have taken or given a special pieces in my life.

The fact is, it is other people who we learn the most about life from and the most about ourselves. There are no coincidences, EVERYONE we come across has a purpose! I have decided to trust God in not only who he puts in my life, but ALSO who he takes out of it!!

Those people who have harmed your self-worth, your self-esteem, and broken your heart;have in the end made you stronger, smarter and wiser!

I am so careful and listen to my gut when it comes to ANYONE who I choose to be in my life!
The saying, “there are so many fish in the sea” is absolutely true! There are all types of fish, sharks, whales, dolphins (well I guess, those are mammals).

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Choose the right fish and you will choose the right life! Trust God on who he picks for you and who he doesn’t, because everyone we come across has a purpose. As well, as we also have a purpose in everyone’s live around us.

We learn our limits, our capacities and our capabilities to grow, to love.

And love is what this life is about, how much can you give (it’s limitless) how much your given (true love is is always there) and how much you take (you cannot keep what your not giving).

It is amazing that we can even be inspired, grow and change through others experiences!

Tell me about friends, strangers, family members or people who have made you who you are?

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Who’s Aunt does Avalanche training??? Mine…

post on January 15th, 2013

Here is one of the “keep in touch emails” that I get from my family! Good stuff! My Aunt begins, simple with, “Just wanted to send a note that we returned from the Tam McArthur Rim and completed our 3 day avalanche course.”


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Then she goes on to report, “It was way more than I expected. I really wanted and needed to do the course before our heli-ski trip but should have researched more on what was expected. I expected it to be alot of classroom work and study. Not so. Our first day, first 4 hours was classroom then lots of ski touring up into the big terrain and backcountry. Cliffs, cornices and steep slopes. The second morning we sno-mo’d into the bottom of this steep rim and onto a frozen lake bed. The temp was -2 F and we stood for the first hour discussing travel plans. I had every warm wool piece of clothing but was anxious to start climbing to warm up my chilled bones. There was 10 of us in the class. They allow only 12 skiers into that part of the wilderness at a time due to safety and wilderness preservation. Only 2 of us were women and I don’t really count Sheryl female as I’m conviced she has an extra male chromosome. Anyhoo, we toured some steep but incredibly beautiful terrain. We learned alot. Ski down a slope only 1 at a time and always have a spotter watch you desend in case of a slide. Dug lots of snow pits analyzing snow pack and of course lots of “mock” avalanche rescue. Which is a pain in the BUTT by the way when you are tromping in 6 feet of snow. I really got comfortable using and wearing my beacon. I did a lot of self discovery…more so then ever before. I realized when I am physically stressed I go into these sort of “manic-bipolar” moments. Like when we climbing yet another steep endless slope, accumulating butt sweat despite it being jack mother cold and my heart rate is maxed. This is my inner dialouge… “Man I hate this shit! It’s damn cold! God, why am I not on a Mexican beach somewhere! This sucks. My back hurts and legs burn. I think one of my lungs collapsed. I should pull over and check. I wonder if I can make a loop out of my snow probe cable and hang myself on the next tree?” goes on and on.. Then we get to the top, look down at this incredible view of the Cascades lined up in a prettly clear row. And I eat. Wow! Ahhh…back to my inner dialouge “This is soo cool! I’m so glad I did this. It’s so fun.”…then we ski down… “I”m so cool! This feels amazing…I’m so glad I didn’t quit.” I tell jokes and giggle on the ski down. My manic moment is ancient history. After completing the class and saying our goodbyes Jay and I had a long drive back to Bend. We talked about how you feel when you first start hard stuff like that. The anxiety. The hopeless you feel when you are physically drained. Quit quit quit. The negativity of it all the runs through your mind. And then in an instant. Food. Rest. Summitting to the top. Processing the beauty of the wilderness. All of that takes it away and then it becomes better. Special and magical. It must have felt that way to Jack and the bean-stock. Anyway, it was tough. But I’m so glad I did it! Love Aunt W

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post on January 9th, 2013
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Discipline. What does it mean to me?  I was asked that yesterday by someone who’s opinion, demeanor, and advice I highly respect, none other than my Aunt D.  So, I can’t simply Google it like I do for most things.  I really had to come up with something good, from my heart and own meaning.  I thought to myself, wow! 

Discipline!!  This is exactly what I need to be thinking about right now, as I am on the first week of a very important spiritual journey, along with honoring the intentions I made for this New Year!!!

We automatically think of discipline as when we were children, spankings and punishment, or how we discipline our own children now.  Or, in school…do you remember how many times you had to write the times tables, over and over, and over again? 

I actually stuck gum under my desk in class one day (yes, I know gross!!) and I had to write 100 times,”I will not put gum underneath my desk.”  I was smart, or thought I was and paid my neighbor to do it for me, and without thinking, turned it in.  My neighbor forgot the period, it was 5th grade English, and my teacher realized it was not my writing!!  I stayed after for detention for two weeks writing, I learned two lessons that week, “I will not put gum underneath my desk period.” And, “I will not turn in work that is not my own.”


Ahhh, but discipline is not about the past or future, or anyone else!!  It’s about ourselves, today!!This is how we learn discipline as children, however, as adults what does it mean?  Well, Aunt D was impressed by my response, so I will share it.

Diligence is what discipline means to me.  It is the, “constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or mind.”  It’s all about having the mental stamina to continue with and see through what you have started.

It’s having loyalty and stability.

These things are all a big part of living a successful life and moving on with your goals.  Discipline to be on time, to create new healthy habits and toss out the old ones!!
We discipline ourselves as adults, many times not enough, in order to be mentally and physically prepared for what may come our way.  It’s how we don’t give up, and how we go get it!!

It is a choice, as it tells us in the beginning Genesis 2:16-17, we are given free will to make a choice.  

There is no questioning are own will to choose, good or bad, right or wrong, follow through or give up. 

Discipline is simply, “choosing between what you want now and what you want most.” Unknown.

Please comment and share your thoughts, inspirations and what Discipline means to you!! 


31 December 2012

post on January 1st, 2013
Posted in Happy Holidays Tags: , , , , ,


There are so many blogs, Facebook status updates, email, text messages….all about resolutions and New Year and happy, happy happiness in starting new and fresh.

I wanted to be unique in my intentions this year.  Honestly, I don’t even remember what mine were last year!  Oh yes, it was finally have the courage to get my wisdom teeth pulled after 13 years of putting it off, my teeth were becoming disallined.   Ruining my years of agony in braces, seriously, after 7 years I dispised that dental office chair!!

So, I scheduled ahead my “oral surgery for extraction,” horrific sounding right???  The first week in Jan.  So I can get it over with, it wasn’t over with so fast how everyone else is back to work in two days.  Nope, I got at least three complications, they warned about in the video I had to watch before they put me to sleep! 

I recovered of course, after about 6 weeks in 6 to 9 out of 10 pain. I was feeling better and back to work. 

February was my first shift back to work in 2012, everything the same of course, no big difference.  When you work at a hospital, you get excited about small changes, like new linen or butt cream for the patients! Haha

I always work the New Years eve and day shifts because I feel like Thanksgiving and Christmas mean more to younger kids, so I like to be home for them, and me too.

So, here I am at work New Years Eve.  Most of my co-workers are unhappy, complaining and as usual under staffed.  I am asking myself, what is really the difference between a hospital, or hotel??  Only that the visitors are NOT happy or celebrating that they are here!!!  Haha, sometimes it feels that way for me on hard shifts where your patience is stretched to the max with demanding co-workers and grumpy patients.

What is the difference between a new year, new month, new semester in school, or a new day, and so on?  There really isn’t a difference!!  It’s all about time, the remembering of a time or moving on with time. 

Life is all about a new start! Each day, moving on, forgeting about yesterday, last year, the last 10 years for some of us. 

New Years Day, is a reminder for us all to start fresh and move on, continue growing, changing, and forgiving!  Most of all to reach inside and be loving and kind no matter what situation you find yourself in! 

I don’t want that feeling of regret about what I did, or didn’t, and u don’t want to think back anymore wondering if I was kind and loving enough.  Or that I was too loving, or too kind and that resulted in me being taken advantage of.  There is no way we can be too loving and nice to each other!!! 

My Aunt D always tells me, be loving and kind. And when I follow this, I never look back in regret.  I stand my ground and know that I did my best and I’m continuing that today and tomorrow!

My prayer for all my readers is that you be loving, thankful & blessed as well as a blessing in all that you do in the new year and in the rest of your days!

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Giving in…

post on December 29th, 2012
Posted in Inner strength Tags: , , ,

As I look back at my life, all, almost 30 years of it, all I think of is how stuborn I have been.

I have always been that person who NEVER wants to give up! I would hold on, “be strong,” hold on and hold on tighter to whatever I wanted.  I was never the one to just try something else, I often, would say, “I tried everything!”

For 8 years I did try everything!

It’s so frustrating!
Trying everything is so overrated!
It’s so 2010 my oldest would say! Haha

As it is the end of the year, I have been thinking a lot about who I was this time last year. I was so scared, insecure, lost, regretful and pretty much pitiful.  Of course, no one could really see that, or at least, I didn’t think they could.  I was strong and wouldn’t ever give up! Everything from going to the market, to getting gas was a huge drama!! 

But on the outside I was calm and quiet.

I didn’t want anyone to think, and I didn’t want to think that I would give up!

Give up? No, no, no, no!
After a few health scares and being held at gun point while my purse was stolen right outside of the bank where I had just withdrawn the last of my money to by groceries and gas, I gave finally in.

I gave in.  I let it go, all my control, and in the car that day I asked god to please save me from all this stress! I guess you could say, I got in the back seat and decided that I was going to let a force greater than me drive.

I came across this blog by one of my favorite authors 2012: closing cycles in which he gives great advice about moving on, that actually, I did to move past a very financially, emotionally and mentally abusive relationship.

Since that day when my purse was stolen, I have been dedicated to that cheesy saying, “let go, let God.”

Giving in and giving up, they are two very different things. 
There is a plan for each of us, it’s undeniable that we each have a purpose that may be beyond our wildest dreams.  Like me, at church 2, 3, 5 days a week, or like me having a blog where I write about it!!!!  It’s difficult to know your purpose when you never want to let go.  When we are so focused on, fighting, fighting, holding on, never giving up, or letting our control go, we can’t walk the path that is meant to be.  We dismiss Faith in the unseen, and life become a circle of never ending dramatic events. 

We are made to be happy and loved.


We are here to be happy!!

When you give into that fact, and have Faith that your on the happy path intended for you and that you don’t know where goes, and that’s okay.  Your whole life changes. Your no longer on the broken path of broken dreams, dissatisfied relationships, and never ending self distruction. 

Doors open when give in to that fear of losing control.  When we don’t want to let go or give up, that’s a sure sign we need to give in and trust. 

Get in the back seat, its so much nicer to live life that way.  It’s a process of begining to rebuild trust and calling on the universe to provide all you want and desire.  God answers ALL our prayers, even in the unanswered ones! 

I always remember that EVERYTHING happened for a reason, and many of those reasons were because I wanted to do things my way, how I thought things would work out best if I did this or did that, tried harder… And on and on! 

That is a lot of I’s and there I was thinking I wasn’t selfish? 
I was so wrong!

I changed not only own life but my children’s by letting all of that control and fear and giving in! 

I let in love, trust and happiness in 2010, an I will never be that insecure, sad, defeated and lonely girl again!

To look back and remember thinking that I would always live like that, and there was nothing I could do about it is such an amazing feeling!! I wish that feeling for everyone!! I feel like all my drama, and suffering was worth it!!


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Where to start?

post on December 23rd, 2012
Posted in Inner strength Tags: , , ,

Image found on

Have you ever had so much to say, that not a word comes out?
Your so overwhelmed, that you just can’t talk?

That is sometimes how I feel about writing! Truth is, I don’t type very fast, as fast as my mind goes anyway. I don’t spell very well, I’m sure you might have noticed.

It takes time to write, it takes time to talk, it takes a dedication.

I like writing, well typing, even though sometimes it is a challenge to stay motivated and committed, as well as consistency. it’s like life, life takes all of those things. I started this blog to inspire other people in any way I can. I want to inspire you all to be motivated, committed and have consistency and reaching for your dreams (small or large) and accomplishing your goals!

Today, I was so very blessed to see my kiddos in an amazingly special CHRISTmas service. They did so well, and were so excited and proud of themselves. This is where dreams, goals, and accomplishments begin, as well as in sports and school. They don’t know it, however, they are learning about how to change the world, and be a part of it.

AND, they are having fun doing it!!

That is a big lesson for us, as adults!!

We need to strive to have kept that motivation, commitment and consistency that even children have. They are present in the moment and no matter what, they open up their eyes each day to a new day, with new challenges and moments! They believe, and hope, they LOVE! They see life so bright, without ever being overwhelmed at what lies ahead of them, or even what happened in the past.

Just like Jesus did. I think that’s why it is said, “God’s greatest gift is life.” Our children, all of them, in the world, are our gifts.


As long as we have life and we are still here, we can take one task, one moment and one day at a time.

Joyce Mayer had a great quote this morning.

“You’re not a failure until you stop trying.
If you have no other testimony you have this one:
‘I’m still here.’”

Start there. “I’m still here.” That’s where I am on someday’s, today anyway.

Another quote I love by Joyce Mayer is,

“Your worst day with God will be better than your best day without Him.” and when I think of this, I have no worries, because I know that God is with me, even when I am having the hardest of times, I know he counts every tear I cry, as it says in .

Forever and A Day

Here is a great blog about this by Lisa Harper.

I take a breath, and start with the next moment, knowing God is with you.

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Say a Prayer!

post on December 20th, 2012
Posted in Inner strength Tags: , , , ,

So much is still in the media about Newtown I felt it appropriate to again write about a different side of the story, a side to moving past the why, how, who….
My sons godmother posted on about how she was at the mall, shopping with her daughter and it suddenly occurred to her, that she should have an escape plan, in case there was a shooting, she mentioned that the recent tragedies have effected us all in one way or another.

Yes, tragedies affect us all.
I took a really good fire class when I worked in Los Angeles, it’s required for healthcare professionals there, a whole 8 hours on how to get out of a building, yes I know…the sound of it can make you sleepy. However, this man was funny, and um, my fellow nurses still comment about his good looks every two years when they have to attend. The LAFD had an excellent instructor, I remember him saying, “if you don’t know how to get out, why go in?” He was talking about a Vegas hotel he stayed at with his buddies. As a firefighter, you look for exits, it automatic. In life we go into a lot of things not knowing how, why or when we will get out. I believe that nothing happens by chance, there are no coincidences and there is a reason for everything that happens. Sad, bad, horrible things happen everyday, and there is always different turnouts in every situation, we learn from them, we are changed forever.

My Aunt D told me a story of a heated divorce in a courtroom, where the angry husband took everyone hostage at the trial, his wife, the Judge, lawyers, as well as the armed officers. The wife was a kindergarten teacher, and as her husband was ranting and raving she began getting the group of highly educated adults into a circle, ignoring her husband completely. During this time, the SWAt team and all personal was on scene outside the court room, it had been over 20 minutes. She started to sing songs with them, they followed along… ignoring the “crazy man with the gun” and 15 minutes later, her husband fell asleep!!! No one was harmed, and when interviewed the teacher said, “I did what I know, when my children are scared the first day of school and their parents leave, we get in a circle and sing” she said, not for a moment did she think she would die that day, but if she did she wanted to be singing, not scared.

That is what Faith is, we are given Faith in this moment, not what happens when we are in trouble later. Faith is the now, the promise in this new day, chance at a new life.

This is a message from my Aunt W

Say a little prayer for the small little boy who must have had a tortured soul. His soul de-void of
love, support and joy. And then as the torture grew so did he. Old enough to make plans and
lash out on others in hopes of freeing himself from the pain. So many more of him, like him, out
there and having just as much pain. Feeling alone and hopeless.

I once asked my friend Jill how she raised such an amazing daughter. Her daughter had just
received a full ride scholarship into the nursing program at U of A, was valedictorian at her high
school and also an All Star Softball player. She simply said, “When my daughter was young I
spent a ton of time with her. When she got older, in her teens, I spent even MORE time with her.”

I asked “why more time as she got older?” She simply said, “Because when she got older she
had the ability to make MORE decisions and be exposed to so much more. That’s when a kid really needs parents…
to be there during those really important times and provide guidance.” Well it turned out well.



Today I couldn’t sleep

post on December 15th, 2012
Posted in Inner strength Tags: , , , , , ,

It was one of those days that no matter how much you try not to watch the news, you do. You have so many emotions about what you see, think about how hurt those parents must be. Almost like you were the parent and you feel for them. My prayers, love and light are with all those how have been affected by this devastation in Connecticut . I had so much to blog about on a list, after studying for my chemistry final, of course. I just couldn’t get past this.

I distracted myself with, yes I will admit it, Housewives of ? city, I don’t know because there are so many, but I kept going back to the news channels and they all said the same thing. 20 children, 7 adults, confirmed dead, waiting on….more bad news to come.

The article, title , “‘Shocked’” stated,” The massacre left people in the Connecticut community, around the country, around the world asking questions. Who was this man, and why did he do this?” Why do we need, to know him? or who he is, and why? For future prevention? Okay, some of this I get, however what good will it actually do me to worry about that, and about sending my soon to be kindergartner to school? Or how about the Post Office?

“Shocked” is what everyone says, but is that true? Hasn’t this happened before? In n Columbine, , the elementary schools in

Are we “Shocked,” that it was in a community with “that type of demographics”? Meaning, perhaps, “95.14% White” where the “median income for a household in the town was $90,193″. I am going to say this with the most caring and kind intentions, I am not shocked at all.

I have learned that the world can be unkind, horrible, mean, unfair, and that it may not make any sense. We as individuals, however are not. We have been given the ability to think not necessarily, above, but differently than that. In fact, I have realized that it does me no good to argue with and ask questions about reality. What happens, or happened, or will happen, who it happened to, why it happened and how it happened is, reality. What I think (in that moment) about all that, is what will cause my suffering.

My new favoriate quote:
“All suffering begins, and ends with you.”
It is a (I choose to delete “hard”) process called, “The Work” by Byron Katie. Have you heard of it?

Well. “the Work” came to me, through my Aunt, who of course, gives me all sorts of strange and complicated concepts to work on and ponder. It is a simple 4 questions about a thought. “Inquiry” it is called. I had so many things to blog about, and this one just jumped up on my list after today’s events. I am not an expert on this, it is challenging for me as well.
I want to be a light for you who are looking for an end to your pain and suffering. This life is about you and how you perceive it, so it is said… who said?

Well, Jesus also said, to live in this moment, in Matthew 6:34
Has a very short and to the point message about this;
“So don’t worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Tomorrow will have its own worries.” (ERV)

Here is where I am on my faith walk, in investigation of my worrisome thinking in this moment, about the future or the past. Doesn’t that sound crazy? I did “The Work” on my thoughts about what happened in Newtown, CT. immediately my suffering surpassed, I can not end anyone else’s suffering, but my own, however, I can help them to ease their’s by ending mine!

Please share where you are in your life Journey, what are you working on?


It’s Been too Long!

post on December 9th, 2012
Posted in Inner strength Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

I haven’t blogged for a while…I was lost in online English and Chemistry class. Yes, chemistry, online, is what I wrote. I still have two weeks left of the class, 2 labs of 15! All of these at home! Picture me at the 24 hour Walmart, buying very odd things for my “at home experiments” at 2am in the morning (the only time I will dare to go to that crazy place)!

After what seemed like a week, a semester has flown by, my English 102 class is over! I have been so wrapped up in proper grammar and spelling, you would think that I am in 4th grade again!!

For my final project (remember those in high school) I created a website about my 10 page research paper. Did I bore you just by that? Well, wait, although it did take up my facebooking and instagram time, the website came out to be something that I’m pretty proud of!!

I feel really blessed to have had the opportunity to write about two of the things that mean a lot to me! Healthcare and Spirituality!

Starting my college classes to get back on track in finishing my BSN was a little bit SCARY! I failed my third semester in nursing school, about 4 years ago. My youngest was 8 months old and walking already…studying was my very last priority as a single mom, working two jobs! It was 2 questions, silly mistakes that I made, I was really stressed out, not too many people thought I could do it, and I believed that they were right! A 74.2 % when all I needed was a 74.5% to pass, still makes me cringe! I actually cried, when I sat down with my nursing instructor. Those years were some of the most devastating in my life.

So here we are, years have gone by and I have at least started again! I’m amazed that I feel like a new student again, with my future ahead of me, my failures behind me. I am completely surrounded by people who absolutely believe that I can do it! And I see myself graduating, I have my eye on the prize!

Now this has not been the easiest of times, but I feel like they are the BEST of times! I am still working full-time, still full-time mom, and on a very serious walk of faith and getting more involved in my church, while trying to exercise and eat healthy! Can you belive that, even though I am still working the night shift, I actually am sleeping more than ever!!! I do all these things, not by my own…

But with God’s strength. I remember my Aunt once told me, when I told her, “I feel depressed,” that I DO NOT have the luxury of being depressed!!! I think of that when I start having a, what we call in our family, “a pitty party” where we get sad, mope around, get lazy, feel overwhelmed…and the list goes on, it’s a “pitty party” doesn’t matter the cause or the symptoms, or who did what to you, it’s still a “pitty party” and no one who loves you will go to it with you!!

If I get in that mood were I have to work, house is a mess, need to go to the market, and finish my chemistry lab, I tell God I am so grateful for all these things I need to do, and I ask him to please take my worries, I do as it says in 1 Peter 5:7, “cast my cares” because I know that he cares and he will help me!
I ALWAYS feel better after I do that, and when it gets really bad… I force myself to go hiking, and at the top of the mountain, I look down at how small everything is while I am reminded how BIG God is and how he made me be great just like him!

You can do it all too! Forget the past, don’t worry about tomorrow. Today is a NEW DAY!

New International Version (©1984) Psalms 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
I like this website, because it give good cross references to the scripture.


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